A Little Humor: Some Of Groucho Marx's Best One-Liners

Below are some of the late Groucho Marx’s best lines:

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that. 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. 

While at dinner with a woman, Groucho picked up the check and glanced at it. "This price is outrageous," he said angrily as he passed her the check. "I wouldn't pay this if I were you."