A Little Humor: Some Of W.C. Fields' Best One-Liners

Below are some of the late W.C. Fields’ best one-liners:

I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

I drink therefore I am.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. 

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The Other half I wasted. 

In My Little Chickadee, a man came up to W,C. Fields as he was shuffling a deck of cards. 

"Is this a game of chance?” the man asked. 

 W.C. Fields replied, “Not the way I play it.”  
 
You can also watch a TCM video on W.C. Fields, narrated by John Cleese, via the below link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl8Qlu4l0YM