The Babylon Bee offers a satirical piece on cats:
If you’re like most people, you’re probably worried
your cat is a spawn from hell. We consulted our Bibles and prayed really hard,
and God revealed to us these hints that your cat is actually Satan
himself. Here are the signs to look for:
·
Weird slit snake eyes -- Alone
this isn't a huge deal, but coupled with the other signs, it could be bad. Keep
reading.
·
Sharp
hidden weapons in paws -- This is a telltale sign.
·
Always
lands on feet as if by witchcraft -- You should be worried.
·
Vibrates
with evil when touched -- Evil vibrations are a bad sign.
·
Has
pointed ears like devil horns -- Should be obvious, but keep an
eye out for this one.
·
Sudden
outbursts of violence against small moving things -- Much as
Satan seeks whom he may devour, cats pounce on laser dots and fingers.
·
Says
“Mao” a lot in honor of murderous dictator Chairman Mao. -- Uh-oh...
·
Refuses
to wear clothes -- Naked, just like all temptresses and Satan.
·
Brings
you small dead creatures as a blood sacrifice -- Alright, now
it's time to start freaking out.
If your cat shows these signs of being the devil himself, the CDC recommends you secure your cat in a burlap sack and throw it in the nearest bog.
You can read other humor piece via the below link:
https://babylonbee.com/news/is-your-cat-worshiping-satan-what-to-look-for
You can also read my Crime Beat column, The Kitten Killers and How a Dog Guy Came To Adopt a Feral Kitten, via the below link:
No comments:
Post a Comment